47: Carry Me Gnome

What, Gentle Reader? Did you think there wasn't anything else gnome-related to share? Oh, no. I give you the Carry Me Gnome novelty costume:

Now you can have the opportunity to horrify/bemuse/terrify your friends by making it appear that you are being carted around by a frickin' dead-eyed gnome. Why? Because gnomes, of course. Whimsy! Silliness. Insanity!

While it might otherwise seem that Mankind has the edge on this one over the dreaded gnomes, I would argue that the gnomes are the ones who are getting the last laugh, here, by making an utter fool out of whomever donned this costume. And it's jarring to see that the costume is sold out, so clearly, many took the bait, and fell into the trap cunningly laid by the gnomes.

CB2 Appears to Be a Gnomish Front Organization

I just thought I'd mention that in addition to the Gnome Terrarium and the Disco Gnome, it appears that CB2 is offering two other gnome-related products:

Gustav, the Glossy Gnome

Here's what they say:

Gnome home. Gustav keeps your garden growing with a fun wink of folklore and whimsy. Standing nearly a foot-and-a-half tall, this earthenware figure is glazed glossy white with a mystical beard and twinkling eyes.

I am Gustav. Let me into your garden, Human.

And

The Gnome Table Lamp

Glow gnome. Folkloric friend lights up the room with a wink of whimsy in gleaming metallic copper. Cast in polyresin, sculptural gnome glows from mythical beard to tunic to boots, illuminated beneath a white linen shade.

I am watching everything you do, Human.

The folkloric friend has returned, full of winking whimsy. You have been warned.

Gnome Terrarium

Oh, and I almost forgot, CB2 offers a Gnome Terrarium (on clearance, no less). As they say in their writeup (notice that they say that the accessories will vary; as with anything Gnomish, capriciousness is a given):

Enchanted garden. Grow green with a mini folkloric friend. Easy-to-use kit comes with everything you need to create a tiny terrarium, including a mason jar with daisy cutout lid for aeration, soil, moss, colored rocks, fabric flower—and most importantly, a trusty gnome and tiny accessory to tend the garden. Gnome-sized accessories will vary, but could include a wee wheelbarrow, watering pail or pick axe. Just add the plant of your choice.

"Trusty Gnome" -- those are two words that should never be paired, if you ask me. If it weren't for the sake of the plant you'd put inside, I'd suggest not using the daisy cutout lid for aeration, and consider it a Gnome Disposal Jar, but that's just me.

On the other hand, it's useful as a Gnome Containment Unit, if you want to be sure the Gnome cannot effectively escape its wee prison.

Most Gnomish Sentence At This Moment In Time

Okay, brace yourselves: I'm about to attempt to write the most Gnomish sentence in human history. It's an act of rebellion, if you will, against the Gnomish agenda.

I don't know what kind of fuddy-duddy bugaboo you think I am, spouting gobbledygook and claptrap as I dillydally about doohickies and gewgaws and flibbertigibbets and doodads, but before you think there's any hanky-panky here giving you the heebie-jeebies, I'd have you know that there's no rinky-dink hocus pocus or flim-flam here. Rather than being some hoity-toity hugger-mugger out to razzle-dazzle you with some humdrum, higgledy-piggledy, topsy-turvy whatchamacallit, I'd also have you know that everything's hunky-dory as I lollygag about with my itsy-bitsy hurdy-gurdy, a knickknack thingamajig I hornswoggled from some roly-poly riffraff willy-nilly, while he was shilly-shallying about the place, looking for this mumbo jumbo thingamajig he'd lost pell-mell. Well, I tell you, there was some hurly-burly as I got out of there in my itty-bitty, razzmatazz jalopy, before helter-skelter came down upon my pointy hat.

And there you have it. It's best said with an accent, whether Cockney or Southern, and, ideally, is said while you're sitting on a mushroom, but it captures the irreducible essence of Gnomethink.

Noam Chomsky Gnome

I'm frankly flabbergasted it's taken this long for somebody to engineer it, but there's now a Noam Chomsky Gnome, available for purchase (out of stock, curiously, so there are either acolytes of Professor Chomsky out there who had to have it, or else Gnomish agents busy acquiring them). Maybe the gnomes have gotten to Chomsky. I'm not entirely sure.

GWD: Cockamamie

There are a handful of gnomish words that I had meant to post here but had neglected, but I was flabbergasted (!) to see that I'd omitted cockamamie! Which is, interestingly, an American word, which again points to gnomish incursions in the United States.

cock·a·ma·mie
adjective North American informal

ridiculous; implausible "a cockamamie theory"