19: Hurdy-Gurdy

The hurdy-gurdy manages a doubleshot of gnomishness -- ridiculous in name and in conception, gleefully eccentric, pointlessly innovative and affectedly whimsical. It is, without a doubt, a gnomish musical instrument foisted on innocent humanity, long ago, and now the province of loons and hipsters.

The coolest thing about the hurdy-gurdy is Donovan's psychedelic tune, "Hurdy Gurdy Man," but beyond that, this contraption has little proper place with humanity, and has everything to do with gnomes, and their invidious agenda.

For example, look at this poor waif of a girl (left) when she first receives her hurdy-gurdy. Just a whey-faced lass with grand drems of making it in a difficult and dangerous world, grateful for this gnomish gift given to her by the twinkly-eyed tinker who came to town. "Why, sure, Donatella! You can make a fortune with this yonder hurdy-gurdy! You can grind away happy little tunes that villagers will dance to, tossing stray coppers at your feet like they were junebugs flitting from fields of barley on a summer's day!"

I'll add the word to the list of gnomish vocabulary words, for surely the hurdy-gurdy eminently qualifies for inclusion, both as a word and as a musical instrument...

hur·dy–gur·dy

Pronunciation: \ˌhər-dē-ˈgər-dē, ˈhər-dē-ˌ\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural hur·dy–gurdies

Etymology: probably imitative

Date: 1749

1 : a stringed instrument in which sound is produced by the friction of a rosined wheel turned by a crank against the strings and the pitches are varied by keys
2 : any of various mechanical musical instruments (as the barrel organ)

Look what happens to that same girl, just a few years later, as she's ground her life away on the rosin-dusted wheel of the pernicious, gnomish hurdy-gurdy (below). Hopes and dreams turned to dust and ash, blind, bald, bearded, slack-jawed, hopeless, yet still spinning her hurdy-gurdy wheel, vainly, desperately hoping that gnomish gift will bring her that promised paydirt.

A lesson to us all: Beware of gnomes bearing gifts, for they will only bring doom to feckless, hapless humanity.