Thursday, March 17, 2011

44: Creepy Gnome

I don't know how I missed this story, but it's certainly worth posting here, for obvious reasons...

"Creepy Gnome" Terrorises Town

"Creepy Gnome" Back on Prowl

One objection I have is using quotation marks on "Creepy Gnome" -- because, obviously, that's not a value judgment, here: gnomes simply ARE creepy. To say "Creepy" is kind of redundant. But, no doubt wishing to avoid casting aspersions on gnomes everywhere, they qualify it that this is a creepy gnome. I imagine the lil' creep got drunk on elderberry schnapps or something, leading him to shamble around town like that.

This gnome is definitely creeping.

GWD: Hugger-Mugger

Yet another gnomish word, articulating gnomish values, with the same nonsense compound word structure, bound insidiously by a hyphen, always the "tell" where gnomish words and values are concerned. I wouldn't be surprised if a gnome invented the hyphen, in a bout of hugger-muggery. And notice the parallel themes so often with gnomespeak: disorder, confusion, and secrecy...

hugger-mugger
n.
1. Disorderly confusion; muddle.
2. Secrecy; concealment.
adj.
1. Disorderly; jumbled.
2. Secret; clandestine.
v. hug·ger-mug·gered, hug·ger-mug·ger·ing, hug·ger-mug·gers
v.tr.
To keep secret; conceal.
v.intr.
To act in a secretive manner.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

GWD: Rinky-Dink

Yet another gnome word, reflecting gnomish aesthetics, or lack thereof. This probably reflects the gnomish penchant for pawning off inferior merchandise to unwary humans...

rinky-dink
adj.
1. Old-fashioned; worn-out.
2. Insignificant; unimportant.
3. Of cheap or poor quality; makeshift.
n.
One that is regarded as old-fashioned, worn-out, insignificant, or cheap in quality.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

GWD: Hanky-Panky

You thought I'd run out of gnomespeak vocabulary, didn't you? I so haven't. Here's another gnomish word, and, as ever, it embodies all things gnomish. Other dictionaries list it as originating ~1841, although its origins are unknown, as is the case with all gnomish words. The first two meanings are the most gnomish, of course, although I wouldn't put lechery out of the purview of gnomish activity, to be honest. They seem like they'd be all for a little hanky-panky -- hell, a gnome would probably use that as an opportunity to whip out a handkerchief and make some kind of soul-killing pun to that effect.

hanky-panky

n Informal
1. dubious or suspicious behavior
2. foolish behavior or talk
3. illicit sexual relations

[variant of hocus-pocus]

42 and 43: The Traveling Gnome and the Travelocity Gnome

Look, I really tried to ignore it, but the "Traveling Gnome" of Travelocity fame (or infamy) bothers me nearly as much as the Traveling Gnome meme of years past. While I heartily endorse gnomenapping, just do the decent thing and bury them in an unmarked grave or something (maybe hitting them a few times with a shovel, for good measure); don't waste time and life energy transporting the gnome around with you, snapping photographs of it. Travelocity gamely (or, as I would put it, lamely) picked up the Traveling Gnome idea and ran into the endzone with it. Over and over and over again. And it's not even a terribly gnomish gnome -- it's like a Corporate Gnome(tm) -- look at the blank expression on its face, the concealed hands -- it's a gnome that means business, literally and figuratively. The Travelocity Gnome is a gangster. And so it's even more of a fraud than gnomes in general, who strive for nothing more than being whimsical nuisances. You're expected to simply trust this gnome with your travel arrangements? Good luck with that, Bud. You're going to end up in a mushroom forest, naked, with an apple in your mouth, and no memory of how you got there. That is a gnomish idea of a "nice trip."


I can almost imagine the company artist being charged with crafting a gnome for Travelocity, them saying "Look, we want a gnome, like those Traveling Gnomes, right? But he can't look too impish -- we want to convey the idea of the Traveling Gnome, without it being too, well, in your face. We want a gnome who has no agenda except bringing good savings to people in the market to travel. Can you do this?" And the artist said "Sure." and the Travelocity Gnome was born.