Gnome Terrarium

Oh, and I almost forgot, CB2 offers a Gnome Terrarium (on clearance, no less). As they say in their writeup (notice that they say that the accessories will vary; as with anything Gnomish, capriciousness is a given):

Enchanted garden. Grow green with a mini folkloric friend. Easy-to-use kit comes with everything you need to create a tiny terrarium, including a mason jar with daisy cutout lid for aeration, soil, moss, colored rocks, fabric flower—and most importantly, a trusty gnome and tiny accessory to tend the garden. Gnome-sized accessories will vary, but could include a wee wheelbarrow, watering pail or pick axe. Just add the plant of your choice.

"Trusty Gnome" -- those are two words that should never be paired, if you ask me. If it weren't for the sake of the plant you'd put inside, I'd suggest not using the daisy cutout lid for aeration, and consider it a Gnome Disposal Jar, but that's just me.

On the other hand, it's useful as a Gnome Containment Unit, if you want to be sure the Gnome cannot effectively escape its wee prison.

Most Gnomish Sentence At This Moment In Time

Okay, brace yourselves: I'm about to attempt to write the most Gnomish sentence in human history. It's an act of rebellion, if you will, against the Gnomish agenda.

I don't know what kind of fuddy-duddy bugaboo you think I am, spouting gobbledygook and claptrap as I dillydally about doohickies and gewgaws and flibbertigibbets and doodads, but before you think there's any hanky-panky here giving you the heebie-jeebies, I'd have you know that there's no rinky-dink hocus pocus or flim-flam here. Rather than being some hoity-toity hugger-mugger out to razzle-dazzle you with some humdrum, higgledy-piggledy, topsy-turvy whatchamacallit, I'd also have you know that everything's hunky-dory as I lollygag about with my itsy-bitsy hurdy-gurdy, a knickknack thingamajig I hornswoggled from some roly-poly riffraff willy-nilly, while he was shilly-shallying about the place, looking for this mumbo jumbo thingamajig he'd lost pell-mell. Well, I tell you, there was some hurly-burly as I got out of there in my itty-bitty, razzmatazz jalopy, before helter-skelter came down upon my pointy hat.

And there you have it. It's best said with an accent, whether Cockney or Southern, and, ideally, is said while you're sitting on a mushroom, but it captures the irreducible essence of Gnomethink.

Noam Chomsky Gnome

I'm frankly flabbergasted it's taken this long for somebody to engineer it, but there's now a Noam Chomsky Gnome, available for purchase (out of stock, curiously, so there are either acolytes of Professor Chomsky out there who had to have it, or else Gnomish agents busy acquiring them). Maybe the gnomes have gotten to Chomsky. I'm not entirely sure.

GWD: Cockamamie

There are a handful of gnomish words that I had meant to post here but had neglected, but I was flabbergasted (!) to see that I'd omitted cockamamie! Which is, interestingly, an American word, which again points to gnomish incursions in the United States.

cock·a·ma·mie
adjective North American informal

ridiculous; implausible "a cockamamie theory"

GWD: Flabbergast

The gnomes haven't done away with me just yet. No doubt they're stuffing their corncob pipes from the warm shelter of their well-hidden mushroom warrens. It occurred to me the other day that not only had it been awhile since I'd posted, but that I'd neglected a key gnomish word, and, well, let's just say I was flabbergasted (see what I did there?)

flab·ber·gast 
ˈflabərˌɡast/ verb informal

surprise (someone) greatly; astonish. "this news has left me totally flabbergasted"

Disco Gnome?

Did you think the Gnomes got to me? That I'd been spirited away by a gang of gnomes? No, Gentle Reader. I'm still here. And I'm still maintaining my vigil of all things gnomish. Behold, from CB2:

The Disco Gnome

Pairing the glam whimsy of a disco ball with the furtive, earthy machinations of the garden gnome, they have spawned the Disco Gnome.

I admit to almost being tempted by this particular bit of bric-a-brac, because everybody's better with mirrors festooned across it.

Still, I am wary, because, like all things gnomish, this is something laden with peril and mystery. Incidentally, it appears that this gnome is nicknamed "Bling Bling," fittingly enough...

Gnomes Crash Garden Party

You probably thought I'd stopped paying attention to the Gnomes and their agenda, didn't you? But I'm always watching, you little bastards...

Gnomes Crash Distinguished Garden Party

GNOME Project

Okay, so there's the GNOME Project, which seems, on the face of things, to be benevolent, and yet, the name fills me with a vague sense of foreboding. Maybe they're playing with "The Genome Project" and wanted to kind of riff on that a bit. Or maybe it is a gnomish group, out to inflict gnomish shenanigans on hapless humanity. Could it be an insidious plot by gnomes to take over the world? Time will tell. ; )

46: Doctor Snuggles

Doctor Snuggles, traveling gnome-style.

I remember stumbling across "Doctor Snuggles" in the early-morning hours as a child, and not understanding what the hell that show was about, and being more than a little unnerved by the trippy nature of it (politely termed "lightly psychedelic" in the Wikipedia writeup). This was before I became aware of the gnomish agenda, and the notion of a man with a talking pocketwatch, traveling around by means of a talking pogo stick was taken at face value, without larger context. It's curious to read the wikipedia entry above, as it indicates that the show had British, German, and Dutch producers -- thus, the show managed to braid together three potent cultural strains of gnomedom into one Gordian Knot.

Doctor Snuggles is a bit of a gnomish Quisling, in that he is that rarest of creatures: a beardless gnome. He was clearly operating incognito. He's also fairly stoic and reserved, isn't whacky or madcap, but this may well be part of his cover, since he is clearly either tripping on a lot of low-grade acid and/or is just attempting to propagandize gnomish lifestyles for unwary audiences. He's an inventor, naturally.

Go ahead, watch an episode. The theme song has stayed with me for, what, over 30 years? The tinker/inventor sounds at the beginning are also terribly gnomish. And a wooden rocket ship? WTF? Gnomes.

GWD: Lollygag

Most certainly a gnomish word, embodying gnomish ethics, or lack thereof. As ever, one of those "origin unknown" kinds of words that are the chubby thumbprint of gnomish wordsmithery. Although it's curious to me that the origin's unknown but the first use of it is known. Frickin' Victorians, lollygagging about for their gnomish masters...

lollygag
intr.v.
To waste time by puttering aimlessly; dawdle.

origin unknown
First Known Use: 1868

45: April Fools' Day

I think April Fools' Day is a gnomish holiday. Gnomes are known for their fondness of mischief, pranking, and practical jokes, and since this is part and parcel what April Fools' Day (aka, "All Fools' Day") is about, I am confident that it's integral to the gnomish agenda. Looking at what Wikipedia says, the gnomish angle is obscured (love that the Stoic Romans had a festival called "Hilaria" -- I may have to bring that one back)...

Precursors of April Fools' Day include the Roman festival of Hilaria, held March 25,[2] and the Medieval Festival of Fools, held December 28,[3] still a day on which pranks are played in Spanish-speaking countries.

In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1392), the "Nun's Priest's Tale" is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two.[4] Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon.[5] Thus the passage originally meant 32 days after March, i.e. May 2,[6] the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean "March 32", i.e. April 1.[7] In Chaucer's tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox.

In 1508, French poet Eloy d'Amerval referred to a poisson d’avril (April fool, literally "April fish"), a possible reference to the holiday.[8] In 1539, Flemish poet Eduard de Dene wrote of a nobleman who sent his servants on foolish errands on April 1.[6] In 1686, John Aubrey referred to the holiday as "Fooles holy day", the first British reference.[6] On April 1, 1698, several people were tricked into going to the Tower of London to "see the Lions washed".[6]

In the Middle Ages, New Year's Day was celebrated on March 25 in most European towns.[9] In some areas of France, New Year's was a week-long holiday ending on April 1.[2][3] Many writers suggest that April Fools originated because those who celebrated on the January 1 made fun of those who celebrated on other dates.[2] The use of the January 1 as New Year's Day was common in France by the mid-sixteenth century,[6] and this date was adopted officially in 1564 by the Edict of Roussillon.

All the same, I think April Fools' Day must be a gnomish holiday -- a time when gnomes and their fellow travelers could gleefully prank everyday humanity with impunity.

44: Creepy Gnome

I don't know how I missed this story, but it's certainly worth posting here, for obvious reasons...

"Creepy Gnome" Terrorises Town

"Creepy Gnome" Back on Prowl

One objection I have is using quotation marks on "Creepy Gnome" -- because, obviously, that's not a value judgment, here: gnomes simply ARE creepy. To say "Creepy" is kind of redundant. But, no doubt wishing to avoid casting aspersions on gnomes everywhere, they qualify it that this is a creepy gnome. I imagine the lil' creep got drunk on elderberry schnapps or something, leading him to shamble around town like that.

This gnome is definitely creeping.

GWD: Hugger-Mugger

Yet another gnomish word, articulating gnomish values, with the same nonsense compound word structure, bound insidiously by a hyphen, always the "tell" where gnomish words and values are concerned. I wouldn't be surprised if a gnome invented the hyphen, in a bout of hugger-muggery. And notice the parallel themes so often with gnomespeak: disorder, confusion, and secrecy...

hugger-mugger
n.
1. Disorderly confusion; muddle.
2. Secrecy; concealment.
adj.
1. Disorderly; jumbled.
2. Secret; clandestine.
v. hug·ger-mug·gered, hug·ger-mug·ger·ing, hug·ger-mug·gers
v.tr.
To keep secret; conceal.
v.intr.
To act in a secretive manner.