49: The Legend of Vox Machina

I don't know if you've caught The Legend of Vox Machina on Prime, but it's basically a Dungeons & Dragons-style fantasy show. It's an entertainingly animated series that definitely gets to all manner of RPG-gamer foibles in the course of its characters' (mis)adventures. But I have to mention it on this blog because there are a couple of gnomes on the show, or characters we're to believe are gnomes, specifically:

Pike Trickfoot, a gnomish cleric

I mean, that's a gnomish name if there ever was one. And, of course,

Scanlan Shorthalt, a gnomish bard

Where to begin with these two? First off, it's clearly part of the gnomish agenda to have not one, but two gnomish characters in the story. I mean, why couldn't Pike Trickfoot have been a dwarvish cleric? Nope. She's a gnome. Dwarves should be peevish that they were excised from this type of story, since everyone knows dwarves are integrally part of Dungeons & Dragons.

Second, both of these gnomes are made terribly cute -- I mean, we're to believe that Pike's a Deep Gnome? C'mon, now. No way. You want to see what a Deep Gnome actually looks like, Gentle Reader? Brace yourself.

But, no, this is Pike...

"I'm Pike Trickfoot. Please adore me."

She's adorable. So cute! I guess they gave her the scar to, I dunno, make her seem more earthy. Not sure. Pike's the ultra-earnest Lawful Good-style character in the series, appropriately enough, as she's the cleric, stuck with healing everyone. Deep Gnome? I disbelieve.

And then there's Scanlan, the rampant and ribald gnome cocksman, who looks like, hmm, a Halfling or even a Kender, for god's sake (if you know, you know). 

"Hey, I'm Scanlan. Fancy a shag?"

A gnome? Just stop. NFW is glamour-boy Scanlan anywhere near a classical gnome. He's basically the comic relief character with heart, who'll apparently shag literally anyone and anything at any time -- no doubt wish fulfillment on the part of lecherous gnomes. Further, he has powers akin to, hell, Green Lantern (or, at the very least, Star Sapphire), which is way beyond anything I've ever seen a bard do. I guess they did that so he wouldn't be completely useless.

Now, maybe, maybe, the gnomish facility with illusion could account for Scanlan's pretty boy persona. Maybe. Maybe once the illusion lifts, it's revealed that he's a plain old gnome. However, they introduced a subplot around Kaylie, Scanlan's daughter from one of his many dalliances, and she looks like a gap-toothed double of her father, so clearly Scanlan's not actually using illusions to pretty himself up. I guess the showrunners were worried that there weren't enough gnomes in the show, so they tossed in another, gave her a Baskin-Robbins ice cream sploosh of hair, but otherwise, made her look as un-gnomelike as Pike and Scanlan:

"Oh, hey, Dad. There's no place like gnome."

If that wasn't enough, then they're busy trying to ship Pike (the good girl) and Scanlan (the bad boy) throughout the series, so we get to deal with that, too. Two "gnomes" playing a cat-and-mouse relationship game amid the rest of everything going on.

This is gnomish propaganda at work at a level that's difficult to imagine. I haven't tracked audience sentiment surrounding these characters, but I can't be the only old-school gamer who's flummoxed at these resolutely non-gnomish gnomes. Clearly, the gnomish underground is hard at work messing with people's minds about gnomes.

You know why they did it? Because if they portrayed them as actual gnomes, people would have gone crazy with irritation -- they couldn't make them actual gnomes, so they came up with these non-gnome "gnomes" as the only way they could run with the characters in the series.

I've said enough, you get the point. And just in case it's still not enough, I'll leave you with a song and montage sequence by Pike and Scanlan.

39: Prog Rock

Now, you might think Elves are to blame for Progressive Rock, aka "Prog Rock." And I'm going to at least lay some of the blame on them for it, but not all of it. But, at the same time, I can't rule out a certain Gnomish influence to Prog. I think it's the evoking of faraway places and mystical realms that seems goddamned gnomish, as well as the sheer self-indulgent pointlessness of Prog.

Or maybe it's because one of the most horrid of Prog Rock bands has a gnome on their album. Oh, sure, it's a "gentle giant" (just like the band, get it?) -- but looking at that painting, you know what I see? A gnome. In fact, my first instinct is like "Wow, that gnome shrunk the band!"

Leprechauns: Are they gnomes?

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, a mystery: are leprechauns gnomes? They are typically classed as a type of fairy, but they run perilously close to being gnomes -- goofy hats, often unaccountably and pointlessly jolly, impish senses of humor, trickster natures, a keen sense of mischief, and a desire to pull a fast one on humanity.

Some of the classic representations of them make me think maybe they are, in fact, gnomes. I mean, if you didn't know this was a leprechaun, you surely might mistake him for a gnome, no?

The "Leprechaun" movies certainly tried to warn people of the dire threat leprechauns posed humanity.

I don't know whether they are gnomes, or are merely Celtic cousins of gnomes, or are entirely unrelated. Certainly if you put Tinkerbell, a gnome, and a leprechaun in a lineup, most Gentle Readers would be hard-pressed to lump the leprechaun on the pixie side of the equation, toward Tinkerbell -- rather, the leprechaun would caucus with the gnome.