GNOME Project

Okay, so there's the GNOME Project, which seems, on the face of things, to be benevolent, and yet, the name fills me with a vague sense of foreboding. Maybe they're playing with "The Genome Project" and wanted to kind of riff on that a bit. Or maybe it is a gnomish group, out to inflict gnomish shenanigans on hapless humanity. Could it be an insidious plot by gnomes to take over the world? Time will tell. ; )

46: Doctor Snuggles

Doctor Snuggles, traveling gnome-style.

I remember stumbling across "Doctor Snuggles" in the early-morning hours as a child, and not understanding what the hell that show was about, and being more than a little unnerved by the trippy nature of it (politely termed "lightly psychedelic" in the Wikipedia writeup). This was before I became aware of the gnomish agenda, and the notion of a man with a talking pocketwatch, traveling around by means of a talking pogo stick was taken at face value, without larger context. It's curious to read the wikipedia entry above, as it indicates that the show had British, German, and Dutch producers -- thus, the show managed to braid together three potent cultural strains of gnomedom into one Gordian Knot.

Doctor Snuggles is a bit of a gnomish Quisling, in that he is that rarest of creatures: a beardless gnome. He was clearly operating incognito. He's also fairly stoic and reserved, isn't whacky or madcap, but this may well be part of his cover, since he is clearly either tripping on a lot of low-grade acid and/or is just attempting to propagandize gnomish lifestyles for unwary audiences. He's an inventor, naturally.

Go ahead, watch an episode. The theme song has stayed with me for, what, over 30 years? The tinker/inventor sounds at the beginning are also terribly gnomish. And a wooden rocket ship? WTF? Gnomes.

GWD: Lollygag

Most certainly a gnomish word, embodying gnomish ethics, or lack thereof. As ever, one of those "origin unknown" kinds of words that are the chubby thumbprint of gnomish wordsmithery. Although it's curious to me that the origin's unknown but the first use of it is known. Frickin' Victorians, lollygagging about for their gnomish masters...

lollygag
intr.v.
To waste time by puttering aimlessly; dawdle.

origin unknown
First Known Use: 1868

45: April Fools' Day

I think April Fools' Day is a gnomish holiday. Gnomes are known for their fondness of mischief, pranking, and practical jokes, and since this is part and parcel what April Fools' Day (aka, "All Fools' Day") is about, I am confident that it's integral to the gnomish agenda. Looking at what Wikipedia says, the gnomish angle is obscured (love that the Stoic Romans had a festival called "Hilaria" -- I may have to bring that one back)...

Precursors of April Fools' Day include the Roman festival of Hilaria, held March 25,[2] and the Medieval Festival of Fools, held December 28,[3] still a day on which pranks are played in Spanish-speaking countries.

In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1392), the "Nun's Priest's Tale" is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two.[4] Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon.[5] Thus the passage originally meant 32 days after March, i.e. May 2,[6] the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean "March 32", i.e. April 1.[7] In Chaucer's tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox.

In 1508, French poet Eloy d'Amerval referred to a poisson d’avril (April fool, literally "April fish"), a possible reference to the holiday.[8] In 1539, Flemish poet Eduard de Dene wrote of a nobleman who sent his servants on foolish errands on April 1.[6] In 1686, John Aubrey referred to the holiday as "Fooles holy day", the first British reference.[6] On April 1, 1698, several people were tricked into going to the Tower of London to "see the Lions washed".[6]

In the Middle Ages, New Year's Day was celebrated on March 25 in most European towns.[9] In some areas of France, New Year's was a week-long holiday ending on April 1.[2][3] Many writers suggest that April Fools originated because those who celebrated on the January 1 made fun of those who celebrated on other dates.[2] The use of the January 1 as New Year's Day was common in France by the mid-sixteenth century,[6] and this date was adopted officially in 1564 by the Edict of Roussillon.

All the same, I think April Fools' Day must be a gnomish holiday -- a time when gnomes and their fellow travelers could gleefully prank everyday humanity with impunity.

44: Creepy Gnome

I don't know how I missed this story, but it's certainly worth posting here, for obvious reasons...

"Creepy Gnome" Terrorises Town

"Creepy Gnome" Back on Prowl

One objection I have is using quotation marks on "Creepy Gnome" -- because, obviously, that's not a value judgment, here: gnomes simply ARE creepy. To say "Creepy" is kind of redundant. But, no doubt wishing to avoid casting aspersions on gnomes everywhere, they qualify it that this is a creepy gnome. I imagine the lil' creep got drunk on elderberry schnapps or something, leading him to shamble around town like that.

This gnome is definitely creeping.

GWD: Hugger-Mugger

Yet another gnomish word, articulating gnomish values, with the same nonsense compound word structure, bound insidiously by a hyphen, always the "tell" where gnomish words and values are concerned. I wouldn't be surprised if a gnome invented the hyphen, in a bout of hugger-muggery. And notice the parallel themes so often with gnomespeak: disorder, confusion, and secrecy...

hugger-mugger
n.
1. Disorderly confusion; muddle.
2. Secrecy; concealment.
adj.
1. Disorderly; jumbled.
2. Secret; clandestine.
v. hug·ger-mug·gered, hug·ger-mug·ger·ing, hug·ger-mug·gers
v.tr.
To keep secret; conceal.
v.intr.
To act in a secretive manner.

GWD: Rinky-Dink

Yet another gnome word, reflecting gnomish aesthetics, or lack thereof. This probably reflects the gnomish penchant for pawning off inferior merchandise to unwary humans...

rinky-dink
adj.
1. Old-fashioned; worn-out.
2. Insignificant; unimportant.
3. Of cheap or poor quality; makeshift.
n.
One that is regarded as old-fashioned, worn-out, insignificant, or cheap in quality.

GWD: Hanky-Panky

You thought I'd run out of gnomespeak vocabulary, didn't you? I so haven't. Here's another gnomish word, and, as ever, it embodies all things gnomish. Other dictionaries list it as originating ~1841, although its origins are unknown, as is the case with all gnomish words. The first two meanings are the most gnomish, of course, although I wouldn't put lechery out of the purview of gnomish activity, to be honest. They seem like they'd be all for a little hanky-panky -- hell, a gnome would probably use that as an opportunity to whip out a handkerchief and make some kind of soul-killing pun to that effect.

hanky-panky

n Informal
1. dubious or suspicious behavior
2. foolish behavior or talk
3. illicit sexual relations

[variant of hocus-pocus]

42 and 43: The Traveling Gnome and the Travelocity Gnome

Look, I really tried to ignore it, but the "Traveling Gnome" of Travelocity fame (or infamy) bothers me nearly as much as the Traveling Gnome meme of years past. While I heartily endorse gnomenapping, just do the decent thing and bury them in an unmarked grave or something (maybe hitting them a few times with a shovel, for good measure); don't waste time and life energy transporting the gnome around with you, snapping photographs of it. Travelocity gamely (or, as I would put it, lamely) picked up the Traveling Gnome idea and ran into the endzone with it. Over and over and over again. And it's not even a terribly gnomish gnome -- it's like a Corporate Gnome(tm) -- look at the blank expression on its face, the concealed hands -- it's a gnome that means business, literally and figuratively. The Travelocity Gnome is a gangster. And so it's even more of a fraud than gnomes in general, who strive for nothing more than being whimsical nuisances. You're expected to simply trust this gnome with your travel arrangements? Good luck with that, Bud. You're going to end up in a mushroom forest, naked, with an apple in your mouth, and no memory of how you got there. That is a gnomish idea of a "nice trip."

I can almost imagine the company artist being charged with crafting a gnome for Travelocity, them saying "Look, we want a gnome, like those Traveling Gnomes, right? But he can't look too impish -- we want to convey the idea of the Traveling Gnome, without it being too, well, in your face. We want a gnome who has no agenda except bringing good savings to people in the market to travel. Can you do this?" And the artist said "Sure." and the Travelocity Gnome was born.

GWD: Humdrum

I'm surprised I overlooked this time-honored gnomeword. No doubt this is one that gnomes crafted when the were bored. Instead of saying "This is boring" the damned gnomes had to say something like "This is so humdrum!" Which probably prompted whatever non-gnome around them to say "What the fuck are you even saying? Why don't you get off that fucking mushroom and talk clearly?"

hum·drum

adj.
Lacking variety or excitement; dull. See Synonyms at boring, dull.
n.
Monotonous talk or routine.
[Probably from hum.]

41: Gnomeo and Juliet

Who said this would be a good idea? Fucking gnomes, that's who. Bad pun. Hope it bombs. I consider this gnomish agitprop...